Saturday, March 27, 2010
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
Intruder Breaks In To Get Warm, Snuggle In Bed-KAMAU III
This is to those demanding a Kamau Wa Tatu story. It seems to vindicate Kuria Mwangi's assertion on Kamau and Ulevi. One of the downsides to the story is that the Kamau also has Michael as his name. I am almost sure he got this name later. AAL the Michaels I know or have heard of a great people. Here goes.
For one Mt. Washington, Pennsylvania, resident, it was the weirdest night of
his life. For Michael Karanja Kamau, it was just a really cold, drunk
night. Police say the 33-year-old Kamau, from nearby Cranberry, broke into
someone's apartment and, in an attempt to get warm, crawled into bed with a
strange man. The sleeping man, thinking the person joining him in bed was
his girlfriend, called out her name. Kamau answered, in his deep male
voice, "No, it's not." (Now, think of that for a moment: A very cold morning following a very cold night. You think you girlfriend has arrived and imagine the end of cold is nigh. Instead of getting a soft 'Yes Darling, it's me' you get a very deep voice. A simpler mortal can very easily become past tense, as Whispers would have said.)
The sleeper jumped from the bed and grabbed a baseball bat, holding Kamau at
bay with it until police arrived to pick him up. Some wonderment here. Do guys keep those bats so close? Wasn't Kamau lucky that the Sleeper did not have a gun? Had the Sleeper been from the opposition, sexually speaking ( i.e of the opposite sex) Kamau would have been in some soup that cannot be said to be cold. The cops found the doors to the apartment had been broken into. While cops agree that Kamau was drunk, the official release said he wasn't so drunk he didn't know what he was doing. Talk about a nightmare!
For one Mt. Washington, Pennsylvania, resident, it was the weirdest night of
his life. For Michael Karanja Kamau, it was just a really cold, drunk
night. Police say the 33-year-old Kamau, from nearby Cranberry, broke into
someone's apartment and, in an attempt to get warm, crawled into bed with a
strange man. The sleeping man, thinking the person joining him in bed was
his girlfriend, called out her name. Kamau answered, in his deep male
voice, "No, it's not." (Now, think of that for a moment: A very cold morning following a very cold night. You think you girlfriend has arrived and imagine the end of cold is nigh. Instead of getting a soft 'Yes Darling, it's me' you get a very deep voice. A simpler mortal can very easily become past tense, as Whispers would have said.)
The sleeper jumped from the bed and grabbed a baseball bat, holding Kamau at
bay with it until police arrived to pick him up. Some wonderment here. Do guys keep those bats so close? Wasn't Kamau lucky that the Sleeper did not have a gun? Had the Sleeper been from the opposition, sexually speaking ( i.e of the opposite sex) Kamau would have been in some soup that cannot be said to be cold. The cops found the doors to the apartment had been broken into. While cops agree that Kamau was drunk, the official release said he wasn't so drunk he didn't know what he was doing. Talk about a nightmare!
Friday, March 19, 2010
Read this today
Today,I felt you needed to read something on this blog. I do not have anything to wrie, so I decided to copy the writings of one of my friends, Kuria Mwangi. Whether he is a greta writer or not, I'll let you be the judge of that. So, here goes.
Odhy, is,
As a minister for religion, I have decided to take a front seat on educating these folks on manners
and the need to reduce on ulevi. Have you noted that Kenyans in this area (VA-DC-MD) are noted for ulevi
among the immigrants? Several times I have been asked by other folks what i drink and when I tell them that I only do
wines since I follow our savior's path and they get shocked. That Kenyans are numero uno on alcohol abuse. They need to visit Meru (am not
talking about your mama but Meru district) and they will know why it won the cup for the best beer drinkers in the country. Even here Wameru wanaongoza kwa barabara na kwa point and so KBL should promptly give Meru district the trophy for Diasporas beer drinkers. Murang'a district is following Meru in drinking here in Baltimore and we only beat Merus because there are too few and baltimore ni Murang'a dogo. Lakini hata wajaluo are doing very well and I am yet to see one who doesnt drink, even the saved ones including wale wa Legio Maria like you. The best beer drinker from Western Kenya is that friend of yours who is twice the size of Mike Tyson. The one who scared the hell out of that DJ hapo Catonsville after they drank too much. That fellow can get a job at BWI Airport of pulling airplanes to the hanger and can pull small cars with his teeth. He looks like was man made because I have not seen anybody created by God that big and strong. The other huge fellow is another friend of yours who drives trains but this one is humble. What of the guy who sings for Jabali Africa? His biceps scares the hell out of any human being and he likes exposing them in public. What is happening to Kenyans from Western Kenya? They grow too tall, too strong and too big once they land in this country which makes other fellows think we have super human beings manufactured in Kenya. The Governor of California looks too thin compared to your friends.
On another note, are people named Kamau genetically inclined to be alcoholic? This Kamau wa PA and your friend Kamau. There is another Kamau living here in Baltimore you probably have not met who is also a wombler and is drank all the times. Two weeks ago I solved a domestic kind of crisis. He lives with his cousin, also called Kamau and also a drunkard. Both Kamaus got drank. One Kamau brought home a heavy weight Black American woman from East Baltimore (500 pound Gozilla). The Kamau who brought the Gozilla did what he had to do and left for night shift work in a nursing home and left the Gozilla sleeping. The other Kamau went to pee in the house where they both live and he claims he staggered to the Gozilla's bed and slept next to her. The Gozilla claimed that he thought her Kamau is the one who slept next to her and assumed he came back from work after early dismissal. The gozilla undressed Kamau II and claims she assumed she was undressing Kamau I. Before long, Kamau wa Pili was busy starting from where Kamau wa pili had stopped.
The cousin (Kamau wa kwanza) arrived in the morning to find his Gozilla naked, snoring and asleep and his cousin, Kamau wa pili on top asleep and snoring also. He started crying but that never woke the two lovers. So he decided to drink silly and then beat both his cousin and the Gozilla.
As an minister of religion and their spiritual advisers, I was asked to go solve the domestic dispute. I was also a judge and all did was solve the dispute in an amicable manner.
I decided that Kamau wa pili should refund the money Kamau wa kwanza had spent on the Gozilla and also pay restitution. We agreed on $500.00 to repaid at the rate of $50 a month for restitution.
I will not even talk of two other Kamaus because their cases are even worse and they happen to be your friends and friends of other people in these fora.
I am only giving a sermon so that people can stop ulevi and behave. Pombe mbaya.
Kuria
Odhy, is,
As a minister for religion, I have decided to take a front seat on educating these folks on manners
and the need to reduce on ulevi. Have you noted that Kenyans in this area (VA-DC-MD) are noted for ulevi
among the immigrants? Several times I have been asked by other folks what i drink and when I tell them that I only do
wines since I follow our savior's path and they get shocked. That Kenyans are numero uno on alcohol abuse. They need to visit Meru (am not
talking about your mama but Meru district) and they will know why it won the cup for the best beer drinkers in the country. Even here Wameru wanaongoza kwa barabara na kwa point and so KBL should promptly give Meru district the trophy for Diasporas beer drinkers. Murang'a district is following Meru in drinking here in Baltimore and we only beat Merus because there are too few and baltimore ni Murang'a dogo. Lakini hata wajaluo are doing very well and I am yet to see one who doesnt drink, even the saved ones including wale wa Legio Maria like you. The best beer drinker from Western Kenya is that friend of yours who is twice the size of Mike Tyson. The one who scared the hell out of that DJ hapo Catonsville after they drank too much. That fellow can get a job at BWI Airport of pulling airplanes to the hanger and can pull small cars with his teeth. He looks like was man made because I have not seen anybody created by God that big and strong. The other huge fellow is another friend of yours who drives trains but this one is humble. What of the guy who sings for Jabali Africa? His biceps scares the hell out of any human being and he likes exposing them in public. What is happening to Kenyans from Western Kenya? They grow too tall, too strong and too big once they land in this country which makes other fellows think we have super human beings manufactured in Kenya. The Governor of California looks too thin compared to your friends.
On another note, are people named Kamau genetically inclined to be alcoholic? This Kamau wa PA and your friend Kamau. There is another Kamau living here in Baltimore you probably have not met who is also a wombler and is drank all the times. Two weeks ago I solved a domestic kind of crisis. He lives with his cousin, also called Kamau and also a drunkard. Both Kamaus got drank. One Kamau brought home a heavy weight Black American woman from East Baltimore (500 pound Gozilla). The Kamau who brought the Gozilla did what he had to do and left for night shift work in a nursing home and left the Gozilla sleeping. The other Kamau went to pee in the house where they both live and he claims he staggered to the Gozilla's bed and slept next to her. The Gozilla claimed that he thought her Kamau is the one who slept next to her and assumed he came back from work after early dismissal. The gozilla undressed Kamau II and claims she assumed she was undressing Kamau I. Before long, Kamau wa Pili was busy starting from where Kamau wa pili had stopped.
The cousin (Kamau wa kwanza) arrived in the morning to find his Gozilla naked, snoring and asleep and his cousin, Kamau wa pili on top asleep and snoring also. He started crying but that never woke the two lovers. So he decided to drink silly and then beat both his cousin and the Gozilla.
As an minister of religion and their spiritual advisers, I was asked to go solve the domestic dispute. I was also a judge and all did was solve the dispute in an amicable manner.
I decided that Kamau wa pili should refund the money Kamau wa kwanza had spent on the Gozilla and also pay restitution. We agreed on $500.00 to repaid at the rate of $50 a month for restitution.
I will not even talk of two other Kamaus because their cases are even worse and they happen to be your friends and friends of other people in these fora.
I am only giving a sermon so that people can stop ulevi and behave. Pombe mbaya.
Kuria
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
Gichigo, AreYou A Pastor?
It is indeed true that the company you keep dictates peoples’ opinion about you. Probably because of that, I have been unable to convince people in Seattle that I was not a pastor back home. Granted, I was involved in church leadership in a church or two. I have even been a deacon. Probably the only thing that has not happened is ordination.
Let me illustrate a recent episode. Currently, I attend two different churches services every Sunday. One at 1145 hrs (C F C, with Casey and Wendy Treat) and the other at 1600 hrs ( Trinity TOL, with Pastor Stephen Wachira). CFC is a large church with thousands of members. The church is really multi-racial. There is a sizeable number of Africans. Since my car is currently unavailable, I get a ride from a pastor friend of mine. A few Sundays ago, a lady who looked like she is ‘from home’ approached us on the way out and a conversation ensued. One thing led to another and phone numbers were exchanged. It turned that she is a member of a well family that is well-known in Seattle.
Two Sundays ago, she informed my friend and I that the family was to hold prayers after the death of one of theirs back in Kenya. It was a strictly family affair with very, very close friends. They requested that we (‘you pastors’) preside over the function. He preached and I gave a small speech and prayed for the family.
At TTOL, more than half the members call me Pastor Gichigo. Am I proud of this? Find out in a future posting. Maybe no one ever reads this stuff. Maybe I just write if for myself. But that’s all right. If you read, at least leave a comment, of anything. Just let me know you saw this
Let me illustrate a recent episode. Currently, I attend two different churches services every Sunday. One at 1145 hrs (C F C, with Casey and Wendy Treat) and the other at 1600 hrs ( Trinity TOL, with Pastor Stephen Wachira). CFC is a large church with thousands of members. The church is really multi-racial. There is a sizeable number of Africans. Since my car is currently unavailable, I get a ride from a pastor friend of mine. A few Sundays ago, a lady who looked like she is ‘from home’ approached us on the way out and a conversation ensued. One thing led to another and phone numbers were exchanged. It turned that she is a member of a well family that is well-known in Seattle.
Two Sundays ago, she informed my friend and I that the family was to hold prayers after the death of one of theirs back in Kenya. It was a strictly family affair with very, very close friends. They requested that we (‘you pastors’) preside over the function. He preached and I gave a small speech and prayed for the family.
At TTOL, more than half the members call me Pastor Gichigo. Am I proud of this? Find out in a future posting. Maybe no one ever reads this stuff. Maybe I just write if for myself. But that’s all right. If you read, at least leave a comment, of anything. Just let me know you saw this
Monday, March 1, 2010
Follow-up of We Are Not Of This World
First of all I have to apologise to those who expected a religious article. I will indeed come up with that. What I am concerned with for now is the difference in the way things are done here. Last time, I promised to descibe an episode over breakfast.
In Kenya, at least where I operated, when a family eats breakfast and have to apply Blue Band (that is margarine - more of that later ), they use only one knife. So, here I am, with two other men over breakfast. We have 3 knives. I decided to wait for one of the others to finish with his, after whivh I wouldd use it. I was told to just use mine, as "this is America". I kept quiet and waited for Jimi to finish with his knife.
Correct me if I am wrong, but does it really make semse? One of the rarest commodities here is Time. Yet I felt we wold be wasting some in washing two extra kinives. It would also be a waste of water. Was I wrong?
In Kenya, at least where I operated, when a family eats breakfast and have to apply Blue Band (that is margarine - more of that later ), they use only one knife. So, here I am, with two other men over breakfast. We have 3 knives. I decided to wait for one of the others to finish with his, after whivh I wouldd use it. I was told to just use mine, as "this is America". I kept quiet and waited for Jimi to finish with his knife.
Correct me if I am wrong, but does it really make semse? One of the rarest commodities here is Time. Yet I felt we wold be wasting some in washing two extra kinives. It would also be a waste of water. Was I wrong?
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)
